Hey there, fellow Originals and warriors against the woke agenda! Hold onto your hats (or should I say, beer mugs?), because we've got a groundbreaking celebration to mock and roll our eyes at! Brace yourselves for the awe-inspiring achievement of transgender activist Dylan Mulvaney, who's achieved "500 Days of Being a Girl." Oh, how riveting! Move over National Dog Day, this is the real deal!
In a video that must've taken countless hours of self-reflection, Mulvaney spills her heart out about the trials and tribulations of her 500-day journey. I mean, who doesn't keep track of every waking moment since they discovered their gender identity? I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, let alone tally up my gender days!
But wait, the math wizardry doesn't stop there! Mulvaney has declared that it's actually day 9705 of being a girl, because why bother with reality when you can count your childhood knowledge as actual days? Brilliant!
Moving on, let's all shed a tear for the burden Mulvaney bears as an influencer. Creating content and dealing with corporate sponsors is truly traumatic, so she's gallantly stepping back to protect her "trans joy." Such a brave sacrifice! We should all applaud her for calling out the woke companies!
Speaking of corporate sponsors, it seems Bud Light didn't quite have the Midas touch when they partnered with Mulvaney. Cue the boycotts and layoffs! Who knew a beer brand could stir up so much social justice drama? Maybe they should've stuck to just selling beer instead of trying to be woke. But hey, supporting the people you hire is clearly a big no-no. (Note: Extreme sarcasm)
Anheuser-Busch announced they are downsizing their workforce after Mulvaney's marketing presence left them reeling. Sales went down, Bud Light lost its throne as the top-selling beer, and Modelo Especial from Mexico swooped in to claim the crown. Long live the new king of beers!
So there you have it! The thrilling tale of 500 days of being a girl, the trauma of corporate sponsorships, and the fall of Bud Light. Life is just one big party, and we're all invited – except for the woke agenda, of course! Stay tuned for more absurdity and eye-rolling news from the nonsensical world of identity politics!
Cheers to keeping it real!